Amy, a younger, energetic woman sat across from me during a speech at our local Rotary Club. Dave Brooker, known as “That Gratitude Guy,” was speaking on the power of gratitude to change one’s life. He gave us an exercise to drive home a point. Amy and I partnered up.

“On the card, write as many adjectives you can think of about the other person that would finish the sentence, ‘I see you as…’“, he instructed. 

In the next minute, I wrote down a list of positive attributes I saw in Amy: Enthusiastic, Compassionate, Smart, Kind, Trustworthy, and some others. I was thinking how she would see me: “A fifty-something, beer-bellied older man who probably stopped his jogging or exercise routine and is going to pot.”  Ha! “This should be interesting,” I thought.

We exchanged cards and I saw her list about me. To my surprise, I read: Passionate, Engaged, Patient, Approachable, Teacher, Caring, Connected, Big World View, and Externally Facing.

The lesson hit home. We rarely think of ourselves in the best light and often have a poor self-image. But others usually have a much more positive view. Dave went on to share how to build a disciplined practice of being grateful for things and people in our lives and how it can overcome the negative thinking patterns that can cause depression. He should know. Despite the tragic losses of his wife, father, and friends over the years, gratitude had revolutionized his life.

His methodology reminded me of my own battle and victory over depression and anxiety 16-20 years ago that I wrote about on this blog in 2005. Partly from my own radical faith shift that was beginning to occur and partly from an intense personal conflict I had with someone who was spiritually abusive, I suffered from a emotional post-traumatic stress disorder and aggravated depression.

How did I break free? Dave’s insights were similar to the practice of cognitive therapy, the prescription that rescued me from my funk. We usually feel what we think. If we think negative thoughts (“I’m a loser, I’m a lousy parent, No one truly likes me, Nothing goes my way”), we end up feeling that way. Cognitive therapy, and Dave’s method of instilling a flood of grateful thoughts into one’s mind, helps one identify the “crud in our brains,” label the type of distorted thinking that causes it, respond to those thoughts with rational ones, and eventually watch the depressive feelings go away. For me, the process blossomed into a positive spiritual experience.

If you or someone you know struggles with depression and anxiety (and even if you don’t, this is a great enrichment practice to simply enjoy life and appreciate others more), I recommend Dave’s materials and a book called Feeling Good by another Dave, Psychologist David Burns. It, along with a good cognitive therapist, made the difference for me.

“Hmm,” I thought later on after the meeting. “Maybe I really am like Amy describes. I see how dwelling on people I’m grateful for does boost my mood.” Suddenly, I felt free. Free to pursue the goals I had that I often drop because feelings of unworthiness creep in. Free to express more gratitude toward others. And maybe even free to start my jogging routine again.

How have you handled depressive moods in your life? What is your experience with the message of gratitude and cognitive therapy?